I know, I know - yet again, I say I'll be back in "a few days" and then disappear for over a week. I'm sorry. I did finally watch Splatalot - it's the Canadian version. It's also a Wipeout clone of the highest order.
Twelve kids each take a turn at facing a giant medieval themed obstacle course and its costumed "defenders", who make lame jokes and have names like "Gildar" and "Knightress". Hosts Jason Agnew and Matt Chin provide the required snarky commentary and little comedy bits. After each kid takes a turn, the six with the fastest time move on to round two, which all six run at once - it's close to impossible to tell who's where, and having the defenders running around making lame jokes doesn't help. The first four contestants to finish round two advance to round three, and at the end of the show one of the kids reaches the finish line first and wins the game (no prizes, as far as I can tell) - followed, in the grand tradition of shows like this, by a "Splat Of The Day" segment. The end. All that's missing is a trademark sign-off of in the vein of "DON'T...GET...ELIMINATTTTEDDDD!" or "Good night...and big balls".
Of course there's nothing wrong with this - I'm sick of identical Wipeout clones, but I'm not this show's target audience anyway. My eight-year-old self would have thought this was amazing, and that's what matters.
If you're now saying "is there any kids game show your eight-year-old self would not have liked?", the answer is...probably not. I remember being seven years old and making a list of all the game shows on television, from best to worst. At the top of the list was Nick Arcade (a show I currently consider one of the worst game shows ever made), and at the bottom was "every adult game show in the world".
I was a really, really weird kid.
This will probably be my last post in July - maybe I'll post if there's absolutely massive news, but at the moment my heart isn't in this. I'll come back in August when I can find the season start dates.