I Need A Drink

OK, Hip Hop Squares on MTV2…

Nine rappers I had never heard of are introduced by the sort of “hip DJ announcer” shows like this always have, followed by host Peter Rosenberg, who tries to be hip but mostly comes across as a plain old robotic game show host. Every question Peter reads seems to include a sexual double entendre of some kind, from a reference to “ta-tas” (they turn out to be cars) to…I kid you not, this is a question from the premiere of Hip Hop Squares… “True or false. Most American boys between the ages of fifteen and nineteen have not had sex.”

Thank you Jungle Princess.

The game played by the two contestants is pretty much the same thing Hollywood Squares has always been. Contestant picks star, Peter reads question, star gives answer, contestant agrees or disagrees, getting it right gets your mark in the square, three in a row is worth $500. As ever, at the beginning of the second game one of the stars is revealed to the viewers as the Secret Square…no wait, it’s not the Secret Square anymore…it’s the G-Spot.

I’ve been waiting for an excuse to use that joke again, by the way.

Hitting the G-Spot…

…and getting the question right is worth a $1,000 bonus that doesn’t count towards your score. When time runs out at the end of the show, each square left on the board is worth $100.

            The contestant with the most money then plays a bonus round in which he\she picks the top, middle, or bottom row of celebrities. Peter reads out a question, and each of those three celebrities gives an answer – two are false, one is true, and picking the correct answer wins $2,500.

            Now, let me make clear that I wasn’t expecting this show to be good. Sure enough, it wasn’t. I was, however, expecting this show to be an absolute train wreck in the vein of the Comedy Central revival of The Gong Show – every other word is bleeped and halfway through one of the women takes off her top.

            It wasn’t that either. It was just…bad. It failed to be hip or funny or edgy or whatever, but it also failed to be a Game Show Garbage – worthy disaster. It was just…bad and forgettable. I was expecting the Game Show Network revival of I’ve Got A Secret; what I got was more akin to…

That probably says it all.

Aaron